Lindsay Lohan's Passport Gets Stolen, Because That's Convenient

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Lindsay Lohan's passport mysteriously got stolen. *roll eyes. Oh wow. Are you shocked? Cos I sure as hell am not. According to TMZ

Lindsay claims she actually went to the airport yesterday trying to get on a flight without a passport but was denied boarding. We're told she had a reservation on the flight so she could make it back to L.A. for tomorrow's mandatory court hearing.
Sources tell TMZ Lindsay has made an appointment with the U.S. Embassy tomorrow at 9 AM to get another passport so she can fly home.

Better still, Linday's lawyer made a hilarious, knee-slapping statement to TMZ:

"Lindsay is distraught because it was her intention to get back to L.A. today to do more alcohol education classes and appear in court tomorrow."

She needs to do more alcohol education what, after trying to steal Amanda Seyfried's boyfriend? Loose biatch!


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Doug Reinhardt's Fight Club - Paris Explains

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I completely missed Paris' precious write-up on his tounge-poking boyfriend Doug Reinhardt fighting a DJ who wouldn't play songs that Paris liked. OMG: is this supposed to be a joke? April Fool's day is over, Paris! Anyway, here's an excerpt from Paris' blog (i'm surprised as you are. She can write?!):

    Just checking in to say hello and clear a few things up. I've been getting a lot of calls and emails regarding these subjects I'm about to discuss. First of all, last night at a club my boyfriend and I were assaulted for no reason at all. The DJ (I don't even know his name cause he sucks so bad) was playing the worst music ever! I like certain techno music, but this was not even danceable and was frankly giving me a migraine. I asked one of my friends who runs the hotel if he could change the music and he said " I'll lead you up to the DJ booth tell him and he'll play whatever you want." So he walked Doug and I over there. I asked the DJ if he could please play Daft Punk or Bob Sinclair and he rudely snapped at me and was like 'I only play this kind of music." I think he was jealous cause Bob Sinclair is a far better DJ then this guy by about a million times. He was so unbelievably rude and all because I asked to play one good song. Then out of nowhere his bodyguard (don't ask me why he has a bodyguard, like he really needs one. Ha) pushed me really hard, that's when my boyfriend, like my knight in shining armor, stepped in and told the guy to keep his hands off of me. Then all hell broke loose, it was like something out of a fight movie, it was so frightening. I had never seen anything like it in my life. Doug was fighting off like 6 guys. But he was of course stronger then them all but one of the idiots punched him in the face and busted open his lip. There was blood all over, I cried I was so upset and scared. It was ridiculous and for such a stupid reason, I cannot believe people behave this way, like ainmals! FYI this is not in my nature to be in club brawls, I;ve never been around anything like that. It was totally unprovoked and thank God Doug was there to rescue me. A man should NEVER put his hands on a woman in that manner.

*speechless*


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The Tongue Job: Paris Hilton is Amused

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Here's Doug Reinhardt tonguing Paris Hilton last night. You wonder how would the paparazzi got these pictures? Unless you want to be seen getting smoochy with a new lover (and rub it in your ex's face) you won't make out in a paparazzi-infested restaurant and unveil the curtains. But then again, it's Paris Hilton we're talking about here. See that Madden?


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